So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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