i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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