Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize