I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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