im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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