I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
