Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
