Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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