So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's Friday. Sex?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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