Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Drake has all the answers
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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