my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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