So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
