First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
