I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
