So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
