Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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