with your own penis?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
