Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
