He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
