He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
