They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
