I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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