I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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