i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
