She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
