Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
