So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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