The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize