theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
