I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
