She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
one might say we're banned from that church
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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