I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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