Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize