we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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