is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just tell him i said nine months
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
