What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
