But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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