the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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