Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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