I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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