You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
