Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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