it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
