She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
