you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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