I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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