am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
