first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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