paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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