I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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