what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
