My underwear smells like fireworks.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
