Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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