The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
