My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
