he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
