I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
