he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
