Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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