so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
