Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
