After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you had me at cake vodka
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
