I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
