i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
