you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
