i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
