my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
