He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
