do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
